The Musician's attitude-- why bands fall apart and other issues...

        Everyone who has ever been involved in a group should address this issue at some point-- the attitude of the members, and how one bad apple can "try" to ruin the bunch.
Music groups seem to attract the super-ego, ultra artistic, passionate people-- there is no telling what some combinations will bring. Most of the time, it brings about a fight. If it does not escalate to that, then there may be years of resentment and passive-aggressive behavior before some resolve happens, or the group dissolves. I have been in musical groups for 20 years so I am familiar with all the outcomes.

A pic before playing with UnCharted at the Redneck Olympics-- our sound was horrific.

        I thought it would be beneficial to discuss this topic during my busiest month for gigs. I just had a weekend of gigs with various issues, and I seriously questioned why I continue to put myself through this torture. Money aside (and it is never equal to time put in), the idea of forming a group with a similar interest seems like an innocent idea. The initial problem is that the "like-interest" is somewhat superficial-- usually there is a leader and they must have it their way (this results in a certain type of music being played). I have been in a few bands playing originals, but mostly I play in cover bands. In both types of bands, a leader would emerge and direct what style to play in (or what to cover). As democratic as the group was purported, the leader would always end with the final say. This seemed alright when money was concerned (although it started the building of resentment).
        The money aspect has played a large part, and yet it also makes playing music a job-- something that is very easy to hate when it dictates what you should do. This job is easier when everyone is open and honest about what the band is doing. If all members are on the same page and have a similar vision then it should only have a few bumps every now and then (there has to be some conflict). Unfortunately, most people are closed and in their own world-- they are not open, and the often erupt into anger or make extreme decisions because of lack of communication. This happens in any relationship, so it should not come as a surprise.
         I promote being honest and truthful about where your head is at (what you want) before committing to a group. It is not worth it to suffer through rehearsals and gigs just for money. The tiny moments in the music that make you happy (unless you enjoy all of the music your group plays) are fleeting and can be diminished with the escalation of problems. If everyone is open, then problems seem to be resolved quickly. For example, in Every Other Sunday, we all have a theater tech background (sound knowledge) and are open to each other's ideas on conflict resolution. We have an ongoing dialogue online that solves issues before we meet in person. We have had sound issues at gigs, and yet we always seem to have a backup plan to smooth it out. In contrast, UnCharted has lost power to half of our system during gigs and the show has literally shut down. I have always done my part to "fill space", but I could never keep the pandemonium from happening. Problems will happen, and you need to have an understanding with your group on how to handle them. Take the guesswork out and have a plan.

      Now on to attitudes...

      Obviously, what I mentioned above doesn't happen without the proper attitude. It takes you! If you are prone to being melancholic and emotional, a solo career awaits you. A band experience needs acceptance and compromise. Money does not fix things ( for many famous musicians it has only created more problems with drugs and other hangups). With this said, sometimes we must deal with a bad attitude in a band from time to time. This has seemed to happen as of late to me. UnCharted is unsure of the intentions of our singer because of her lack of communication and last night in the Monty Python Spamalot (http://www.montypythonsspamalot.com/) rehearsals, a woodwind player told me to "stop noodling" while I was quietly searching for a guitar patch for an upcoming song. I have learned to log these issues and then let a few of them slide. My personal attitude is to have many things going, so you can work on everything in different areas. In a few months I can walk away from a few commitments and feel indifferent about it (and yet relieved). We all have the power over our lives-- do not let anyone else ruin your mood.

Apply this to any relationship you are in. Communicate and resolve or walk away and save yourself.

Keep playing music though-- for sanity!